Les Bizarrables
Master Of The Froup
M. WIZARDIER:
Welcome, M'sieur.
Sit yourself down.
And meet the best
News reader in town.
As for the rest,
All jaded coots.
Posting their best,
Ignoring the newts.
Seldom do you see
Brilliant men like me,
A gent who's confident
That, of course, he'll be
Master of the froup
Doling out the flame.
Ready with an insult
Or a naughty name.
Tells a little joke
Full of oohs and ahs.
Customers appreciate
A whiz framboise!
Glad to post a cute one-liner.
Doesn't cost me to log in.
But never give them content.
Certainly that's got to be a sin!
Master of the froup,
Keeper of the clue!
Ready to provide 'em
With a quote or two!
Offering a rant,
Or a spelling flame,
Castigating chevyn,
Or those just as lame!
Everybody loves the Wizard
How they wish that they were he!
Ah, self-apotheosis!
Moses! Won't I ever let 'em be!
CHORUS:
Master of the froup,
Quick to post a blurb,
Never met a regular he can't disturb!
Model to the poor,
Vacuum to the great,
Crackerjack philosopher
And fashion plate!
Everybody's loon companion!
Everybody's ingenu!
M. WIZARDIER:
But such a dim prognosis!
Moses! Won't I ever get a clue!
Enter, M'sieur.
Lay down your load.
Empty your bowels.
Foul our abode.
This stuff is bad!
How unrehearsed!
But here we strive
To bring out the worst.
Here the flames are fanned.
Here there's lots of pride.
And nothing's ever dropped
Till it's putrefied.
Posts beyond compare!
Posts 'yond even those!
Pipe it through a filter
And pretend it's prose!
Xenophobic rants!
Fragments from a stall!
Filling up the articles
With sprue and spall!
Exocrouts are more than welcome
Followups are well-received.
Reasonable members --
Everything they say can be believed!
Charge 'em if they rail,
Extra if they fail.
Two quatloos for stepping in the vomit pail.
Here a little wail,
There a little whine.
Three quatloos for screwing up the Newsgroups line.
When it comes to drawing losers
This arena's got a charm.
Name your own neurosis!
Join the symbiosis!
Moses! It's a psychopathic farm!
CHORUS:
Master of the froup,
Quick to post a blurb,
Never met a regular he can't disturb!
Model to the poor,
Vacuum to the great,
Crackerjack philosopher
And fashion plate!
Everybody's loon companion!
Does a really bang-up job!
M. WIZARDIER:
Watch out for necrosis!
Moses! What an enervated mob!
MME WIZARDIER:
I used to dream I'd meet AI-BOUTELL,
But now I'm stuck with this ELIZA-BOT from hell!
'Master of the froup'?
Hasn't learned a bit!
'Crackerjack philosopher'
And lifelong twit!
Cunning little brain.
Stellar SAT's.
Think's he's quite a lover,
But I'm catching Z's!
What a cruel trick of nature
Landed me with such a dupe?
You would be aghast if you lived with this
Mastiff in the froup!
CHORUS:
Master of the froup!
MME WIZARDIER:
Master of the dumb!
CHORUS:
Crackerjack philosopher!
MME WIZARDIER:
Plutonium!
CHORUS:
Model to the poor,
Vacuum to the great!
MME WIZARDIER:
Thank you, Soeur Lorena!
Time to amputate!
CHORUS:
Everybody bless the Wizard!
Everybody bless his dupe!
M. WIZARDIER:
Everybody drink a toast!
MME WIZARDIER:
Drink till you're too bombed to post!
CHORUS:
Everybody drink a toast to the master of the froup!
" Rapp