Les Bizarrables
Lovely Hackers
WAILERS:
I smell hackers,
Smell 'em in the air.
Think I'll drop my problem
On that one with all the hair.
Lovely hackers,
Smell 'em through the smoke.
Dreaming of the good ol' days
When they could peek and poke.
We need help because our system's broke!
HACKERS:
Lovely hackers,
Waiting for a make.
Waiting for the code to run,
And hoping it won't break!
Lovely hackers,
Tracing function calls.
Call by ref or call by val
Or any way at all.
Just as long as wailers never call!
OLD WOMAN:
Come here, my dear.
Let's see this trinket you wear.
This crystal ball...
DAUNTINE:
Madame, I'll sell it to you.
OLD WOMAN:
I'll give you four.
DAUNTINE:
That wouldn't pay for the chain!
OLD WOMAN:
I'll give you five. You're far too eager to sell.
It's up to you.
DAUNTINE:
It's all I have.
OLD WOMAN:
That's not my fault.
DAUNTINE:
Please make it ten.
OLD WOMAN:
No more than five.
My dear, we all must stay alive.
HACKERS:
Lovely hackers,
Coding in the dark.
Coding on an Indy
Or a Convex or a Sparc.
Long int, short int.
Single, double quote.
Costs a little extra if you want to use a float.
Quick and cheap are programs learned by rote!
CRONE:
What pretty hair!
What pretty locks you've got there.
What luck you've got. It's worth a quatloo my dear.
I'll take the lot!
DAUNTINE:
Go read alt.sex.fetish.hair!
CRONE:
Let's make a price. I'll give you all of ten 'loos.
Just think of that!
DAUNTINE:
It pays a debt.
CRONE:
Just think of that.
DAUNTINE:
What can I do? It pays a debt.
Ten 'loos may save my poor Laurette!
WAILERS:
Lovely hacker!
Fastest in the north!
Wasn't there three minutes,
She had coded it in FORTH.
Lovely hacker!
Take a little peek!
Doesn't take a lot of talent
Just to be a geek!
Come on, hacker!
Haven't got all week!
BLIMP:
Are we in luck?
Who's that twit over there?
HACKER 01:
Just some Canuck.
She's the one sold her hair.
HACKER 10:
She's got a kid,
Sends her all that she can.
BLIMP:
I might have known.
There is always some man.
Lovely hacker, come along and join us.
Lovely hacker!
HACKERS:
Come on, dearie, why such chagrin?
We're all hackers underneath our skin.
Life has left you here with nothing but your wits.
Join your sisters.
Make money shuffling bits!
That's right, dearie, let 'em have the source.
That's right, dearie.
Join the net.workforce!
Old code, new code, coded on the fly!
Pound-includes and pound-ifdefs
And pound-defines of pi.
Menus, windows, ray-traced while-you-wait.
See them in assembly language,
Then they're not so great.
All it takes is weeks of working late!
Lovely hackers,
Sending out for 'za.
Taking lots of questions,
But they only answer "Ja."
DAUNTINE:
Come on, Captain, you can point-and-choose.
Don't it make a change
To have a girl who can't refuse
Easy money
Running "uncompress".
Lucky that they don't read alt.my.crummy.boss, I guess.
Don't they know they're adding to my hyperbolic stress?
" Rapp