Les Bizarrables
At the End of the Night
POOR LOSERS:
At the end of the night, when you've read all the newsgroups
And you've filled up your noggin with buckets of dross
Your cerebrum's full of moss
'Cause there's nothing that's ever worth reading.
One more night combing the net --
For a net loss!
One night less to be weeding!
At the end of the night in your substance abuse groups
You encourage the efforts of your fellow men.
So they offer you a beer,
You can hear your liver is crying,
But that's nothing compared to your fear
Of pressing 'n'.
One night nearer to dying!
At the end of the night other posters are waking
And the dear little exocrouts open their eyes
And they reach for their PC's
And they launch a binary tsunami
Like a silicon disease
Or a mold on some ancient pastrami
It's an information blight -
At the end of the night!
GORMAN:
At the end of the night you get nothing for nothing!
Sitting flat on your butt doesn't showcase your wit!
LURKERS:
There are papers and reports
And the writings have got to be writ
And you're lucky if you've got WordStar
On a Heathkit!
And we're counting our blessings!
WOMEN:
Have you seen how the Gorman is moaning today?
With his Yamaha synth and belligerent muse?
It's because little Dauntine refuses to play.
Take a look at his songs; they're arranged for kazoos!
LURKERS:
At the end of the night it's another night over
With enough in your checking to last for a week.
Pay the phone bill, pay your head.
Pay netcom for as long as you're able.
Keep on lurking 'til you're dead.
Or perhaps 'til they turn off your cable.
You've not begun to fight -
At the end of the night!
TANKGIRL:
And what have we here, little innocent sister?
Come on, Dauntine, let's see this e-mail!
"Dear Dauntine,
You must send us more quatloos.
Our drive needs an upgrade.
Our backups may fail!"
DAUNTINE:
Give me that letter back!
VALSEAN:
What is this fighting all about?
Will someone tear these two apart!
This is a whorehouse, not a circus!
Now, come on ladies, get some air!
I run a house of ill repute!
I bought this brothel fair and square!
I look to you to sort this out.
I've got some business in the town.
GORMAN:
Now someone say what's going down!
TANKGIRL:
At the end of the night, she's the one who began it!
There's a kid that she's hiding at some little site.
There's a man she has to pay.
You can guess how she picks up the extra.
You can bet she's working more hours than just the night.
And the boss wouldn't like it!
DAUNTINE:
Yes, it's true, there's a child and the child is my daughter.
And her dad knocked me up by anon FTP.
So I faxed her to Finland, they dumped her to disk,
And she's backed up on tape for a reasonable fee.
WOMEN:
At the end of the night, she'll be wasting our bandwidth.
And there's net lag for all when there's net lag for one!
While we're screwing with awk and sed,
She's the one who's been hacking the kernel!
You must save us from our plight,
Or the load average will be infernal!
It's us who'll feel the bite -
At the end of the night!
GORMAN:
I might have known the witch could hack!
I might have read the man for 'spell'!
I might have guessed your little secret.
Ah yes, the sensual Dauntine!
Your flanks, your back, ta belle poitrine!
You were a babe, or so I thought.
But I'm afraid that you've been caught.
At night you're elegant and sleek,
But in the daytime you're a geek!
TANKGIRL:
She's been laughing at you while she's rewriting 'make'!
WOMEN:
There is only so much of this that we can take!
WOMAN:
You must *plonk* her today!
ALL LURKERS:
*PLONK* the girl today!
GORMAN:
Right, my girl!
Control-K.
" Rapp